Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
