After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
