Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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