Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Vodka?
Forever.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
