Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
