id be glad to
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
