U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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