well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
