I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
