ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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