if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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