My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
