i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
