it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
