dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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