The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
