If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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