i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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