Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
