I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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