What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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