How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
