Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I believe in your delicious
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
