So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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