Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
