did you get engaged???
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize