we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
