Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
