Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
