There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
