I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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