I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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