Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
