yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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