The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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