Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
