i don't like sucking hair
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
