okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize