Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
