Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
