You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We need to feng shui this bitch.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
