you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
