I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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