hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
you never un-have a 4some
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
