I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
