Plan B is the new Plan A
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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