I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
