my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
