She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
