You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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