Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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