i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
