Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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