how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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