Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
