Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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