His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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