Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
