I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
