I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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