Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
