Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
