Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
