This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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