he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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