addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
