one two three fourrrrnication!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
