My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
