She said her name was "party"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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