so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
