Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
